just some random tidbits...

just some random tidbits from the past week or so...

1. my sister is the most evil person in the world.

1. she calls me fat. all. the. time.
2. she hides the teddy grahams from me.
3. one time she asked me, "when do you start your job? oh wait, its just an internship. you don't even have a real job. you're so worthless."
4. she paid me to take her to a dinner party and wait outside.

2. i stumbled across this picture.

yes. those are sandals. yes. i wore those to prom.

this is probably what was going on in our minds at the time...

poor guy, she did not pay.

and i just wanted to say. i am sooo sorry. i don't even remember your name, but i'm pretty sure you did not enjoy your senior prom. sigh, you even ordered pictures of this prom. which, i never got to see btw! if you could send me a copy, that would be greaaaaat. they'd make some good photoshop pictures...

also, i did have a good excuse for wearing sandals! i sprained my ankle playing basketball and my feet couldn't fit in dress shoes. sigh, woe is me.

3. i was at publix the other day and saw these bananas.

barry bonds eats these bananas.

are they not the biggest bananas you've ever seen?! sigh, i felt my muscles just growing from standing next to those babies. if these things were steroided, i don't know what is.

4. goodbye mocha monday. we had a good run. i will miss you.

heart.

5. i'm training to be the next usain bolt. to those of you that don't know who usain bolt it (i know you're out there), usain bolt is a jamaican sprinter and 3-time olympic gold medalist, holding world records in the 100 meters, 200 meters, and 4X100 meters relay.
ok, im not really training to be the next usain bolt. i just received an underarmor top to go with my underarmour bottom. this was the first thing that popped in my mind when i put both of them on.

hopefully i run better than i photoshop.

also, don't get tricked by underarmour's advertising. just wearing underarmour does not make your body look like the picture below. my previous picture can attest to that. man, those tricksters in marketing are good.

sex sells. i mean, uhh...

6. the picture says it all. fruits are the bestest.

no. this is not my bed. no. i do not have pink sheets.

7. that is all. have a terrific tuesday! sorry for the lame-o updates. nothing super crazy has happened. maybe if you comment i'll write something funnier. k, thaaaaanks.

things that annoy me: unemployment

subheading: things that annoy me: getting 0 comments on my blog entries. it makes me cry at night.

yes, i'm sensitive.

ok, so unemployment. i have been unemployed since graduation (may) which staaaaanks. no one that went through 4 years at tech should be allowed to be unemployed. it is the worst feeling in the world. you move back home, have no money, have 0 friends, and most importantly, you get fat.

but its not just that, unemployment is also horribly humbling and humiliating (thats some good alliteration right there). here are some things that i cannot stand...

1. "what do you do all day?"

this is the most annoying/insulting question you get when unemployed. seriously, what do you think i do all day?! i look for jobs, i fail at getting jobs, i go to sleep crying at said failure. in between i find time to bejewel, blog, blame. yes, i blame everything. myself, the world, myself, the economy, myself, etc. it sucks. so if your friend is unemployed, you should NOT ask them this question bc it might make them cry at night.

also another question consistently received is: "how's goes the job hunt?" the answer: the job hunt goes horribly. always horribly until you hear the words "i have a job." kthaaaanks. although this question is not as insulting bc the person is usually just wondering how you're doing and actually caring. but the "what do you do all day" question makes me want to kick you in the babymaker.

2. what i do all day.

yes, i hate the things i do everyday. bc i don't do anything fun. here i am bejeweling...

look at that beautiful smile.

here, i am unemployed in china. i have a towel on my head bc chinese pple don't have real ac. its just a machine that blows air into your face. and it is uncomfortable so i have to put something on my face to protect myself.

please shoot me in the face. kthanks.

there is nothing to do so i watch tv. all day. and i don't even like tv. the worst part is that my chinese is tres mauvais and so i cannot understand anything. so i watch something that is universally understood...

starcraft replays. fml.

3. being poor.

this is quite easily the worst thing about being unemployed. when there are so many beautiful things to buy and no money to buy them with...

<3.

on a more serious note, things are actually looking up a little. i very recently got an internship with an amazing company. one that i cannot say for fear of getting fired. bc stupid pple do things like this...

silly girl.

anyways, i've wanted this internship for awhile and even though its not a real job, i still feel really lucky and blessed to have something when so many pple have nothing.. hopefully, i don't screw it up! gotta pass on the grass if you know what i mean. bc i don't know what i mean. really, i dont even know what grass is...

BUT MY SISTER DOES. I ALMOST FORGOT THIS. IT TURNS OUT THAT SOME OF THE GIRLS AT HER ICE RINK DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL BC OF DRUGS. WTF AT THIS?! I THOUGHT THE RINK WAS THE ONE SAFE PLACE TO LEAVE HER BUT NOOOOO. I HAVE TO BE MORE CAREFUL. I'M WATCHING YOU!

man, i always knew michelle kwan was a pothead...

ok,that's it for now. everyone have a marvelous mocha monday!

oh! so the job i'm getting is in marietta. and roughly 50 minutes away from home. does anyone know anyone looking for a roommate for the fall semester? that would be great. thaaaanks!

acronyms are confusing...

due to my unemployment, i have lots of free time. which i spend bejeweling. otherwise, i'm trying to be productive by reading. i noticed that statistics and statistical programs seem to be in pretty high demand. one such program is SAS. so i do the most logical step in learning this program by getting on my favorite torrent site and searching for SAS tutorials...

read the reviews...

mm, "complete and informative." looks pretty legit to me...

so i click download and open up the pdf and this is the first page that comes up...

sometimes text books have weird covers. its cool.

let's see what page one says...

what.

so it turns out SAS can also stand for "special air services." which are an elite unit of the British Army. so the survival actually meant real survival...
on a brighter note, i now know a plethora of ways to catch small animals should i ever find myself lost in the arctic circle...

btw, this book is actually pretty interesting; it really is "complete and informative." lemme know if you wanna copy! bear grylls, you better watch your back! i'm comin' for ya!
that is all, have a terrific tuesday!

things that annoy me: my perky nips

one of my favorite shirts of all time is this really light mizuno shirt i got for free. it was this promotion at the mall; all you had to do was try on a pair of mizuno shoes and they gave you a shirt. i really like it bc, as you probably know, i hate being hot and this shirt really breathes and lets air seep through. unfortunately, thin shirts sometimes.. are not the best if you have...

perky nips.

seriously, this picture doesnt even do my nips justice. if you saw them in real life, omfg, its ridiculous. i really noticed this yesterday when i went to the gym and started working out. as i was curling, i looked in the mirror and saw two nipply laser beams shooting me right in the face. asdf;lkj. i only worked out for 10 minutes bc i was too embarrassed and couldn't hide them anywhere.. also, working out is hard work. so i decided to go home and reward myself with some goldfish.

i've heard girls sometimes tape them to prevent nipplage? is this true? if so, what kind of tape and does it hurt?! help me out, i really want to wear my shirt!

anyways, so i found a gym close to home. its real small but its got everything i need and cheap. got me a 1 week free membership so i'll see if i wanna stay after that.. i really gotta lose this poundage..
until next time, have a thrilling thursday!

p.s. i found a solution.

although i feel i look like a pre-teen asian girl...

my professor likes little boys..

for real.. check out this article...

http://www.ajc.com/news/atlanta/georgia-tech-professor-faces-114372.html

sigh, what has the world come to? this makes me ultra sad.. check out this convo i had with anonymous.. you can clearly tell from my reaction that i am very saddened to hear of my alma mater slandered...

accessorertochildrape: yo
superstrongjohn: heyy, whats up?
accessorertochildrape: you ever had faiz as a teacher? and if so... you seen this? lol.
http://www.ajc.com/news/atlanta/georgia-tech-professor-faces-114372.html
superstrongjohn:: ROFLMAO YES, SO HILARIOUS
accessorertochildrape: haha
superstrongjohn: HATE THAT GUY SO MUCH
accessorertochildrape: haha, a part of me doubts that he would be into that shit but
superstrongjohn: haha, do you know him?
accessorertochildrape: yeah man. i worked at helpdesk remember. i know all the professors lol. i've helped them all at least once. faiz always asked for help. a lot
superstrongjohn: LOLOLOL. WHAT KIND OF HELP
accessorertochildrape: lol, he always had like viruses on his computer. porn popups and shit. haha
superstrongjohn: SDKJF;LKFJA;LSFAJSDFLKJ. ROFLMAO ARE YOU SRS
accessorertochildrape: yeah. haha but you know he was a nice guy
superstrongjohn: NO HE'S NOT. he's a jerk who looks at child pr0n. also, he gave me a C in his class, which is almost as bad...
accessorertochildrape: lol
superstrongjohn: C for child pornography
accessorertochildrape: haha
superstrongjohn: woulda gotten an A if he wasn't under the influence of underage girls.. or boys
accessorertochildrape: haha yes. but hey man. he's innocent, until provent guitly
superstrongjohn: naw, just look at him
accessorertochildrape: lol
superstrongjohn: if he's not guilty of that he's guilty of *i say something racist. it is irrelevant.* also, you've seen his room right?!
accessorertochildrape: LOL. yeah
superstrongjohn: its so messy
accessorertochildrape: his office is a fucking mess. haha
superstrongjohn: clearly to hide his pr0n
accessorertochildrape: yeah
superstrongjohn: i should get my grade modified
accessorertochildrape: haha. i dont think it works like that
superstrongjohn: it should, the world is clearly too lenient on child rapists. oh man, i hope they recorded arresting him. "to catch a predator" style..
accessorertochildrape: lol, i wonder if i'll get to testify. "he was a nice man" haha.
superstrongjohn: ROFLMAO
accessorertochildrape: i think my old boss is gonna testify
superstrongjohn: omg, that would be hilarious. you might cuz you always went to his room to clean up after his pr0n. rofl, what did he say when you came in? "i have all this pr0n. how do i hide it?"
accessorertochildrape: he was just like
i think i have a virus, i keep getting weird popups
haha
superstrongjohn: did any pop up when you were there?
accessorertochildrape: he just had shit like on his browser. i mean, just common hijacked browser
superstrongjohn: you shoulda been like
"you know how to get rid of it? stop looking at naked 8 year olds!"
thats what i woulda told him
man, i wish i had your job
accessorertochildrape: lol
superstrongjohn: "oh this virus. i think you get this from www.littlepeepee.com"
accessorertochildrape: lol. you know it happens. haha. professors man, the worst
superstrongjohn: dude, you could be an accessory to child rape!
accessorertochildrape: lol no. no way.
superstrongjohn: notice how as soon as you quit.. he gets caught?
accessorertochildrape: lol, no it's been
superstrongjohn: he's got no one else cleaning up after himself...
accessorertochildrape: 8 months since i quit
superstrongjohn: rofl

so yes, a professor i once had is now accused of child pr0n. now, this is a serious matter, and i want to say that he is innocent until proven guilty and we should not pass judgement on someone we do not know. but seriously, dude gave me a C. who does that?! aargh at him!

the birthplace of superstrongjohn.

here are some pics from pt. 1 of my trip to china...

beginning with my last meal in america...

secondly, getting off the plane.. chinamen are super scared of H1N1 so they check everyone's temperature before they get off.. i really don't know how this baby wasn't quarantined.. and yes, i had to sit next to that during the 14 hr. plane ride...

ugh.

coming off the plane in beijing, i stayed overnight there and went to dongying to visit some cousins on my mom's side. mostly kids my age so that was pretty fun. don't ask me where dongying is cuz i have no idea. i just know its about 5 hrs away from beijing.

left to right: cousin, me, cousin, cousin, driver-guy, other non-pictured cousin's fiance. and the photographer in the mirror is the cousin with the peace sign's husband.

in dongying i went to a couple parks...

one ran out of water...

another had too much...

but boat rides are boat rides so yayy.

after a few days in dongying, we went to qingdao..

where they make "tsingdao" beer..

it's also a port city with a beach...

with a famous red thing..

famous red thing.

cousins with famous red thing.

here are some delicious things i ate there...

yum.

yum.

yum.

yum.

a different kind of yum.

a very different kind of yum.

not so yum. i saw this and was like, omg yijianlian! i know him! disappointment.

alotta couples came here for wedding photos...

i think his wife forgot...

asian pose: daydream

i think he's famous for something..

don't tell me asians aren't fat...

then we went to this one place. with a mountain and a palace. i'm not quite sure what it is bc my chinese sucks... but i do know it had a mountain and a palace bc...

this sign reads: something mountain very something palace

standing next to what seems to be a very important thing

climbing mountain with cousin

near the top..

we took a elevator thingy ride down...

chinese people like to write things on mountains.. but i never know what they mean so i just try to make things up..

i think this one says "thank you for visiting something mountain very something palace. have a safe trip down the mountain."

and so after that i went to shandong and the watermelon farm where i was born...

getting to work...

behind these doors is where i was brought up and raised for the first few years of my life...

i like to think the sign says: "birthplace of superstrongjohn. tours given monday through friday."

but don't worry, i'll give you my own private tour.. here we have the bedroom...

also, we have a bike. the end.

oh. almost forgot, the front yard and entranceway to this hallowed ground.

guarded by a very vicious ninja guard dog.

ahh the humble beginnings of a legend (me).
some pics of the farm..which turns out doesn't even grow watermelon?! what kinda chinese farm doesn't have watermelon! instead it has corn and apples and cotton and chickens and other things.

here's the bed i slept on. it was really hard.. so i took every blanket they had and placed it under me as a cushion. it was not enough.

so i met this nephew of mine for the first time..

i have no idea what his name is but he's cute. we'll call him sam.

sam took me to all the cool places on the farm.
we climbed walls...

went to really creepy places...

and peed on trees.

he showed me some ducks..

and his bathtub..

and taught me how to play this game.

except i dont think he knew how to play. he jsut told me to put pieces on the lines...

sam also showed me where he learned to ride his first bike...

while in shandong, i ate some pretty crazy stuff..
shandong is really known for its lamb..

deeeelicious.

yum.

sometimes the chef gets lazy and decides he doesn't want to cut the lamb..

still delicious!

yum. finally the chanks learn from americans! bacon! with their own little twist.

watermelon juice. yum.

chanks don't play around when it comes to green onions...

if you thought that lamb was weird...

cicadas. they're ok.. not yum or ugh.

ugh. this is not lamb. or beef. or chicken. or pork.

instead. it is dog.

hopefully not this one, it was mad cute.

so that was most of my trip. next time i'll detail some more of the things i learned in china.. and also include my transformation into a fob.. here's a little preview...

i look like i belong in this picture don't i? minus the headphones...

until then, have a super sunday!
seeu.