my failed courtship...

in light of the upcoming holiday known as valentine's day, i've decided to detail some incidents in my love life. these incidents have all occurred in my courtship of this, supercutiegirl, that i have been crushing on for some time...

now, i seem to be rather good at romancing males (no homo). however, i am rather clueless in the art of romancing females. and so i decided to read some "how to make a super cutie girl fall in love with you" books. the following are their steps and my actions.

1. take her to a nice restaurant.
so i thought, mm, pho and spring rolls. who doesn't like that?


maybe she would of if there wasn't an extra ingredient in there... those dirty vietcong and their vietcong hair...

2. pursue her interests.
i tried that. she likes bball and black guys.


basketball and black guys do not like me.

3. stay in shape.

unfortunately this is what my grocery bag looks like...

i love brownies. that is a fact.

4. be mature.


clearly, this is not possible.

6. treat them with respect.


oopsie.

5. make sure your past doesn't come back to haunt you.
so, there is a little fact that i had only told a few people. however, that secret leaked out, and i've decided to share it with the world. that secret can basically be summed up in the following picture...


how did this little secret spill out? well, i recently received a bday present. with a card. and i read the card out loud while supercutiegirl was there, thinking i was being nice. the card read, "dearest john: happy birthday! hope you have an amazing day!!! maybe your fantasy..." that is when i tried to stopped reading. however, it was too late.

supercutiegirl: what fantasy?
me: oh nothing.
superworthlessgirlwhoisstandingthere: john, why don't you tell us your fantasy? it sounds soooo interesting...
supercutiegirl: yea, tell us!
me: i hate you superworthlessgirlwhoisstandingthere.

the rest of the card read... well the picture probably explains it... i tried to tell them that the party i was at had run out of plates. and i was sacrificing my body so people would have a clean place to eat (i had showered right before). however, that was met with, "you're nasty. we're not friends. what is wrong with you?! etc."

needless to say, she has decided to stop returning my calls. sad. day.