so today is my birthday...

and surprisingly, my parents remembered, which never happens... i was super elated!

and they even bought me presents! which NEVER happens. actually, they didn't buy me anything: my cousins and aunts in china did. but i should have still known something was wrong...

so i go to dinner, and this is what i see...


playboy?! must be something crazy! actually, i got really nervous... who gets their cousin/nephew something from playboy?

little do i know...

so inside were three presents... each one... more surprising than the predecessor...

present 1.

ok ok, its a shirt. maybe its fashionable in china, i can live with that. i might never wear it, but nothing to get upset about...

present 2.

REALLY?! A PLAYBOY MAN-PURSE?! what were they thinking?! well it turns out that playboy is a name brand in china. and not in the same way it is here. and pple actually use man-bags there bc everyone carries cash. i tried to calm down and just accept it...

present 3.

seriously?! seriously?! do they think i'm gay? this was present number 3. asdf;lkj;asldf. what am i supposed to do with all this?!

i guess i'm supposed to go out for a night on the town?

and try to get picked up by the numerous gay guys in atl?

so, if you ever see me dressed like this. you will know. these were the presents i received from my cousins/aunts in china. they <3 me soo much. and clearly know me soooo well.

p.s. just so you know, my sexual orientation is still heterosexual. k, thanks.
have a terrific tuesday...

blogger's block.

that is all.

my failed courtship...

in light of the upcoming holiday known as valentine's day, i've decided to detail some incidents in my love life. these incidents have all occurred in my courtship of this, supercutiegirl, that i have been crushing on for some time...

now, i seem to be rather good at romancing males (no homo). however, i am rather clueless in the art of romancing females. and so i decided to read some "how to make a super cutie girl fall in love with you" books. the following are their steps and my actions.

1. take her to a nice restaurant.
so i thought, mm, pho and spring rolls. who doesn't like that?


maybe she would of if there wasn't an extra ingredient in there... those dirty vietcong and their vietcong hair...

2. pursue her interests.
i tried that. she likes bball and black guys.


basketball and black guys do not like me.

3. stay in shape.

unfortunately this is what my grocery bag looks like...

i love brownies. that is a fact.

4. be mature.


clearly, this is not possible.

6. treat them with respect.


oopsie.

5. make sure your past doesn't come back to haunt you.
so, there is a little fact that i had only told a few people. however, that secret leaked out, and i've decided to share it with the world. that secret can basically be summed up in the following picture...


how did this little secret spill out? well, i recently received a bday present. with a card. and i read the card out loud while supercutiegirl was there, thinking i was being nice. the card read, "dearest john: happy birthday! hope you have an amazing day!!! maybe your fantasy..." that is when i tried to stopped reading. however, it was too late.

supercutiegirl: what fantasy?
me: oh nothing.
superworthlessgirlwhoisstandingthere: john, why don't you tell us your fantasy? it sounds soooo interesting...
supercutiegirl: yea, tell us!
me: i hate you superworthlessgirlwhoisstandingthere.

the rest of the card read... well the picture probably explains it... i tried to tell them that the party i was at had run out of plates. and i was sacrificing my body so people would have a clean place to eat (i had showered right before). however, that was met with, "you're nasty. we're not friends. what is wrong with you?! etc."

needless to say, she has decided to stop returning my calls. sad. day.

sometimes i can relate to the internet...

so grace sent me this picture...


it reminded me of...


although, i wasn't quite high.. i'm a good kid...

one of these things...