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1. my sister is the most evil person in the world.
- she calls me fat. all. the. time.
- she hides the teddy grahams from me.
- one time she asked me, "when do you start your job? oh wait, its just an internship. you don't even have a real job. you're so worthless."
- she paid me to take her to a dinner party and wait outside.
2. i stumbled across this picture.
yes. those are sandals. yes. i wore those to prom.
this is probably what was going on in our minds at the time...
poor guy, she did not pay.and i just wanted to say. i am sooo sorry. i don't even remember your name, but i'm pretty sure you did not enjoy your senior prom. sigh, you even ordered pictures of this prom. which, i never got to see btw! if you could send me a copy, that would be greaaaaat. they'd make some good photoshop pictures...
also, i did have a good excuse for wearing sandals! i sprained my ankle playing basketball and my feet couldn't fit in dress shoes. sigh, woe is me.
3. i was at publix the other day and saw these bananas.
barry bonds eats these bananas.
4. goodbye mocha monday. we had a good run. i will miss you.
heart.
5. i'm training to be the next usain bolt. to those of you that don't know who usain bolt it (i know you're out there), usain bolt is a jamaican sprinter and 3-time olympic gold medalist, holding world records in the 100 meters, 200 meters, and 4X100 meters relay.
ok, im not really training to be the next usain bolt. i just received an underarmor top to go with my underarmour bottom. this was the first thing that popped in my mind when i put both of them on.
barry bonds eats these bananas.
are they not the biggest bananas you've ever seen?! sigh, i felt my muscles just growing from standing next to those babies. if these things were steroided, i don't know what is.
4. goodbye mocha monday. we had a good run. i will miss you.
heart.
5. i'm training to be the next usain bolt. to those of you that don't know who usain bolt it (i know you're out there), usain bolt is a jamaican sprinter and 3-time olympic gold medalist, holding world records in the 100 meters, 200 meters, and 4X100 meters relay.
ok, im not really training to be the next usain bolt. i just received an underarmor top to go with my underarmour bottom. this was the first thing that popped in my mind when i put both of them on.
hopefully i run better than i photoshop.
also, don't get tricked by underarmour's advertising. just wearing underarmour does not make your body look like the picture below. my previous picture can attest to that. man, those tricksters in marketing are good.
sex sells. i mean, uhh...
6. the picture says it all. fruits are the bestest.
no. this is not my bed. no. i do not have pink sheets.
no. this is not my bed. no. i do not have pink sheets.
7. that is all. have a terrific tuesday! sorry for the lame-o updates. nothing super crazy has happened. maybe if you comment i'll write something funnier. k, thaaaaanks.
4 comments:
hi hi John! Thought I'd comment because I think I read somewhere that you get sad when no one comments :)
1. i <3 your sister. she is hilarious. (just like me)
2. i feel bad for this poor girl. you don't even know her name?!
3. no real comment. just needed to keep the numbers
4. i never tried mocha mondays. were they just as heavenly as whopper wednesdays?
5. that's right. it was me. i didn't know who that was. i really don't think i'm the only one tho!! ask gina if she knows who that is.
you need to take the picture closer up, maybe you'll look close to his size that way.
6. you have pink sheets?!?! =P i <3 blueberries... mmmmm.. so delicious
7. nothing happened?!?! nothing?!!??!
maybe you share the 1000 ways to die... just not with me. i will freak.
awww, thanks angela! you're the bestest!!!
1. not hilarious. not like you.
2. i forgot! it was something in korean. i think.
3. we love to list things.
4. i dont know, you were really big on whopper wednesdays. but i thought it was nice. bc it was completely free.
5. rofl. i didn't use your name! i was trying to be nice!!! also, im sure that picture is photoshoped and he is flexing ultra hard. haha.
6. those two other blueberry pictures make me laugh everytime i see them. :D.
7. ok, lots of things happened. but i can't remember the funnies. i was gonna write down all the things you said to me yesterday. but i forgot them.
i love wendy too.
she is 100 goods.
sigh at you you need to treat women with respect. you are 100 dads.
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