can you plz redirect your browser to...

www.superstrongjohn.com

k, thanks.

how to lose a job. a guide by superstrongjohn.

so apparently, i was fired on friday. i'm not sure why but it may have to do with my various transgressions at our recent work anniversary party.

apparently, taking your shirt off at work parties elicits a different response from college parties.

not really. my internship ended and i was not renewed for fulltime status. sad day.

dear all you can eat shrimp platter at work parties, you will be missed.

along with all the lovable people at work.

oh well, back to the unemployment line for me. my secondary profession of being a blogger has netted me a total of $11.51 from ad revenue. unfortunately this will not sustain my shoe buying habits. so, my birthday is coming up. if you could plz give me a job for my bday that would be great.

to make up for this free time, i've decided to add another course at state. apparently, you can add courses in the middle of the semester. who knew. so now, i'm taking statistics I and II at the same time to speed up my master's process. which is weird, bc i'm now studying chapters 2 and 8 at the same time. do you know how complicated that is?? it's like trying to train a level 90 charizard when you only have a boulder badge. impossible.

sigh, that's all i got tonight. it's been a depressing week. superstrongjohn has not felt so super lately. i'll be going to NY on thurs to visit my fave GL so i'll have a better update then. until then, stay safe and as always, stay employed.

things insert_skin_color_here people like

due to my lack of a life, i am at a loss of updates on my life. instead, i've decided to add a new series into my blog. i'm sure you've seen my list of "things that i like" and "things that annoy me" on the left hand side of my blog. well, i've decided to expand that with a "things insert_skin_color_here people like."

now, you may be thinking, you're just copying the "stuff white people like" or the "stuff asian people like". to which i say false.

things > stuff.

the end.

also, i will expound upon things that multiple races like because, as a person who hangs around 99.9% asians, who else would have the expertise to dictate to you what black/white/brown/red people like? but i digress.
back to my list.

things white people like: lists.

you see it every day. top 10 ways to lose weight, top 10 movies of 2009, 100 ways to improve your sex life (just read this in cosmo, decided tips are useless if i am practicing abstinence for life), top 10 list of lists, etc. this is a surefire way for people to go to your website. for instance, www.cracked.com, aka, the site made famous by lists. i know you white people have been here. this is a staple bookmarked website for all white males stemming from their very first surfing of the interwebs. well, do you know what this site would look like without lists?

seriously, without lists, this blog would be nonexistent. and whiteys would cry. at least they'd still have david lettermen's top 10 lists every night.

i, for one, am glad for white people's love of lists. it is due to their love of lists that i have begun my installment of lists. because it goes into my second thing white people like. and why i must now cater to whiteys.

things white people like: blogs.

whiteys love their blogs and as they may soon become the majority of readers on superstrongjohn, i must cater to my newly found audience.

since infiltrating the white world, my blog hit count has increased exponentially. if exponentially means 5 more hits/day. 1 of them being my mom. so really 4. but seriously, white people LOVE blogs. more than any other race. every famous blog has been started by a white person. perez hilton. julie and julia. that's the extent of my blog knowledge. so 2/2 = 100%. extrapolate that to the 490823582305 blogs in the world. which comes out to 490823582304 (don't forget, i'm asian) blogs run by white people. trust me. i'm a soon-to-be master of statistics.

honestly, yellow people stopped blogging as soon as xanga went the way of myspace. all the white people are like, what's xanga??? well, xanga is the asian equivalent of livejournal. where pubescent boys and girls write about being emo and hating their mothers and how life is unfair.

and black people. do black people even blog? it's on my list of things black people never do. along with swimming, tanning, and skateboarding. although, i may have to scratch skateboarding off that list ever since skinny jeans came into play as it has since become cool for blacks to start channeling tony hawk.

brownies? well, i know nothing about brownies except they study really hard to become doctors and spelling bee champions. so they probably don't have time to read blogs, let alone start one.

and that is how i have come to the conclusion that white people love blogs more than any other race.

and lastly, my last "thing" for today.

things yellow people like: not smiling during pictures.

i've briefly talked about this during my recent trip to china over the summer. but never had too much photographic evidence of it. well, my uncle and aunt recently came to visit america. and they uploaded their pictures on my computer. horrible idea. because i went through them. and this is what i found.

can

i

plz

go back to china?

haha, i love my uncle. he's the bestest. but yes, asians, as much as they love taking pictures and buying expensive SLR cameras, hate actually being in the pictures. i don't know why. maybe its because cameras are racist.

that's all i got today. hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. thanks for joining my facebook fan page. special thanks to the randos that i don't know that come read my blog! i see you on my facebook fanpage! weeee. until next time, stay safe and as always, never tell your coworkers about your personal life. it never ends well.

can i plz not like dakota fanning?

sister: did you write on my friends wall?
me: yea, why?
sister: pedophile.
me: ...

true story.

how to ruin your sister's birthday. a guide by superstrongjohn.

so this weekend was my sister's birthday. about a month ago, her friends had contacted me via facebook asking if they could throw a surprise birthday party for her in our basement. i said, sure, why not without even hesitating, thinking that i would not have to do anything. i was wrong.
the original email said that they would give wendy a set of 18 clues to lead her around the mall of georgia. during that time they would decorate our house until she came home. didn't sound too hard. until the next email came.

sister'ssuperannoyingfriend: can you plz stay with your sister while she does her scavenger hunt?
me: what.

but, being the greatamazingbrother that i am, i consented. so my plan was to take her out to lunch and then begin the scavenger hunt. what could go wrong?

well, for starters...

me: happy birthday sister!
sister: do i really have to spend the whole day with you on my birthday?!
me: :(. but i love you!

sister: plz stop talking to me.

sigh, i should have known she wouldn't want to hang out with her loving brother on her birthday. its ok, i thought. i'll take her to this amazing restaurant and she will soon reciprocate my love. except.

oh yes, i am superstrongjohn and i have the worst life ever.
so naturally, the restaurant is closed. oopsie.

weeee.

me: sister, aren't you having so much fun on our adventure?? we can go exploring for another restaurant now!

sister: can i plz die.

so we go to another restaurant. the food was delicious and we had a great time.

sister: can i plz die.

next up, we begin the scavenger hunt. which, takes us to 18 different stores in MOG. fml. i have never walked so much at the mall. ever. and. I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO VICTORIA'S SECRET WITH MY SISTER UNTIL THIS DAY. WHY WOULD HER FRIENDS MAKE ME GO IN THERE WITH HER. ARGH.

sigh, the things i do for my sister. next up we go to build-a-bear. where apprently she is supposed to build a bear. except, did you know you don't really build a bear at build-a-bear? you just stuff an already built bear. see, i thought you got to pick out the legs and eyes and nose, etc. but nooo. you just pick up a bear.

and then you give it to ms. kalin to stuff it via an opening in the anal cavity of the bear.

and out comes your "built" bear.

another thing i do not approve of at build-a-bear.

the build-a-bear panties. seriously?

while i do not condone this false advertising and extremely inappropriate attire, i would still like a bear for my birthday. it is feb. 17th. can you plz add this jersey for me? k, thanks.

now. you're probably thinking my sister had a horrific birthday and it was all my fault. well, you would be wrong. she did have a horrific birthday, but it was not all my fault! you see, her friends are the worst party decorators in the world.

here we have the balloons that they blew up just for my sister...

which special girl had to use tape to blow up a balloon?

and this. well, this was supposed to say "18"

instead it says "i fail at life."

lastly, i feel the following tweet summed up the whole day.
"can it plz not be 1am and i just now realized that i forgot to get a cake for my sister's birthday???"

and that, is how you ruin your sister's birthday.
hope everyone had a marvelous mlk day. and a wonderful weekend. until next time, stay safe and as always, let's not get too sensitive.