how to ruin your sister's birthday. a guide by superstrongjohn.

so this weekend was my sister's birthday. about a month ago, her friends had contacted me via facebook asking if they could throw a surprise birthday party for her in our basement. i said, sure, why not without even hesitating, thinking that i would not have to do anything. i was wrong.
the original email said that they would give wendy a set of 18 clues to lead her around the mall of georgia. during that time they would decorate our house until she came home. didn't sound too hard. until the next email came.

sister'ssuperannoyingfriend: can you plz stay with your sister while she does her scavenger hunt?
me: what.

but, being the greatamazingbrother that i am, i consented. so my plan was to take her out to lunch and then begin the scavenger hunt. what could go wrong?

well, for starters...

me: happy birthday sister!
sister: do i really have to spend the whole day with you on my birthday?!
me: :(. but i love you!

sister: plz stop talking to me.

sigh, i should have known she wouldn't want to hang out with her loving brother on her birthday. its ok, i thought. i'll take her to this amazing restaurant and she will soon reciprocate my love. except.

oh yes, i am superstrongjohn and i have the worst life ever.
so naturally, the restaurant is closed. oopsie.

weeee.

me: sister, aren't you having so much fun on our adventure?? we can go exploring for another restaurant now!

sister: can i plz die.

so we go to another restaurant. the food was delicious and we had a great time.

sister: can i plz die.

next up, we begin the scavenger hunt. which, takes us to 18 different stores in MOG. fml. i have never walked so much at the mall. ever. and. I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO VICTORIA'S SECRET WITH MY SISTER UNTIL THIS DAY. WHY WOULD HER FRIENDS MAKE ME GO IN THERE WITH HER. ARGH.

sigh, the things i do for my sister. next up we go to build-a-bear. where apprently she is supposed to build a bear. except, did you know you don't really build a bear at build-a-bear? you just stuff an already built bear. see, i thought you got to pick out the legs and eyes and nose, etc. but nooo. you just pick up a bear.

and then you give it to ms. kalin to stuff it via an opening in the anal cavity of the bear.

and out comes your "built" bear.

another thing i do not approve of at build-a-bear.

the build-a-bear panties. seriously?

while i do not condone this false advertising and extremely inappropriate attire, i would still like a bear for my birthday. it is feb. 17th. can you plz add this jersey for me? k, thanks.

now. you're probably thinking my sister had a horrific birthday and it was all my fault. well, you would be wrong. she did have a horrific birthday, but it was not all my fault! you see, her friends are the worst party decorators in the world.

here we have the balloons that they blew up just for my sister...

which special girl had to use tape to blow up a balloon?

and this. well, this was supposed to say "18"

instead it says "i fail at life."

lastly, i feel the following tweet summed up the whole day.
"can it plz not be 1am and i just now realized that i forgot to get a cake for my sister's birthday???"

and that, is how you ruin your sister's birthday.
hope everyone had a marvelous mlk day. and a wonderful weekend. until next time, stay safe and as always, let's not get too sensitive.