how to ruin your sister's birthday. a guide by superstrongjohn.

so this weekend was my sister's birthday. about a month ago, her friends had contacted me via facebook asking if they could throw a surprise birthday party for her in our basement. i said, sure, why not without even hesitating, thinking that i would not have to do anything. i was wrong.
the original email said that they would give wendy a set of 18 clues to lead her around the mall of georgia. during that time they would decorate our house until she came home. didn't sound too hard. until the next email came.

sister'ssuperannoyingfriend: can you plz stay with your sister while she does her scavenger hunt?
me: what.

but, being the greatamazingbrother that i am, i consented. so my plan was to take her out to lunch and then begin the scavenger hunt. what could go wrong?

well, for starters...

me: happy birthday sister!
sister: do i really have to spend the whole day with you on my birthday?!
me: :(. but i love you!

sister: plz stop talking to me.

sigh, i should have known she wouldn't want to hang out with her loving brother on her birthday. its ok, i thought. i'll take her to this amazing restaurant and she will soon reciprocate my love. except.

oh yes, i am superstrongjohn and i have the worst life ever.
so naturally, the restaurant is closed. oopsie.

weeee.

me: sister, aren't you having so much fun on our adventure?? we can go exploring for another restaurant now!

sister: can i plz die.

so we go to another restaurant. the food was delicious and we had a great time.

sister: can i plz die.

next up, we begin the scavenger hunt. which, takes us to 18 different stores in MOG. fml. i have never walked so much at the mall. ever. and. I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO VICTORIA'S SECRET WITH MY SISTER UNTIL THIS DAY. WHY WOULD HER FRIENDS MAKE ME GO IN THERE WITH HER. ARGH.

sigh, the things i do for my sister. next up we go to build-a-bear. where apprently she is supposed to build a bear. except, did you know you don't really build a bear at build-a-bear? you just stuff an already built bear. see, i thought you got to pick out the legs and eyes and nose, etc. but nooo. you just pick up a bear.

and then you give it to ms. kalin to stuff it via an opening in the anal cavity of the bear.

and out comes your "built" bear.

another thing i do not approve of at build-a-bear.

the build-a-bear panties. seriously?

while i do not condone this false advertising and extremely inappropriate attire, i would still like a bear for my birthday. it is feb. 17th. can you plz add this jersey for me? k, thanks.

now. you're probably thinking my sister had a horrific birthday and it was all my fault. well, you would be wrong. she did have a horrific birthday, but it was not all my fault! you see, her friends are the worst party decorators in the world.

here we have the balloons that they blew up just for my sister...

which special girl had to use tape to blow up a balloon?

and this. well, this was supposed to say "18"

instead it says "i fail at life."

lastly, i feel the following tweet summed up the whole day.
"can it plz not be 1am and i just now realized that i forgot to get a cake for my sister's birthday???"

and that, is how you ruin your sister's birthday.
hope everyone had a marvelous mlk day. and a wonderful weekend. until next time, stay safe and as always, let's not get too sensitive.

greatest hits, vol. 8

10.27.07: how do i know they love my less?
so my family and i have a family plan with t-mobile of 400 anytime minutes. most of my friends are t-mobile and my parents never use the phone so 400 is good enough for me. anyways we went over for the first time this last month by about 10 minutes. i decided to use that as an excuse to add text messaging to my plan saying i'd use less minutes by texting. so i called my mom telling her about the additional costs...

me: ok, so its going to be about 5 more dollars per month
mrs. wang: ok.
me: oh, and im only adding it to my line, so its not going to work for wendy (sister). we'd have to pay an additional 5 dollars for her to get texts too.
mrs. wang: oh, wendy's had text messaging for the past couple months already.
me: what.


04.20.08: this is not even fair.

so i woke up today and checked my email...

is this even fair to pot-heads?
and could they be more subtle?

06.04.08: this is what i go to school for?
so im taking summer school... one of my classes is supply chain modeling: logistics... its an interesting course taught by a not so interesting prof...

we have a test on friday so i decided to look at the sample test, bc i am somewhat confused and scared about what will be on the test... here is a problem that my professor decided was rather important followed by his solution....

3a.
Q: a car manufacturer builds cars in korea and sells them in the united states. name two modes of transportation that each car probably experiences on its way from the plant in korea to the dealer in the us.
A: sea and rail OR sea and truck

*seriously? we can't do rail and truck? is the bering strait no longer there?

3b.
Q: name one advantage of shipping by air instead of by sea.
A: faster

*wow, you think? i thought it was because there was a fear of hitting an iceberg...

3c.
Q: name one type of product that you think should be shipped by air due to the advantage given in b.
A: many answers here. one is pharmaceuticals OR highly perishable goods such as fruits and flowers (e.g., bananas).

*seriously?! is the "many answers here" really necessary? this is what i go to school for?
did i ever tell you how much i hated tech? b/c i hate it a lot. the end.

11.30.08: the infamous hotel supersex entry
so i went to dallas for an interview on sunday...

in the plane for the few minutes that i wasn't sleeping...

and i stayed at this place called, hotel zaza...

the hotel was amazing!!!

or as i like to call it, hotel super sex...

this was a picture in my room...

there were random pictures of scantily clad women everywhere... it made me slightly uncomfortable...

my mother would not approve...

other than the awkward sexness, everything else was amazing, i've never been to a hotel so fancy before. the wang family usually stays at hotel honda accord..

just look at those pillows, it would take an entire assembly line of taiwanese people to make those...

here are some more pics of my room...

i don't even know what this is supposed to be for, but it looks super riched out...

ok, i really don't know what that's for... do rich people sit up there?

rich people chairs...

i want.

just in case you forget that you're staying at hotel zaza, they have a giant z to remind you...

rich people lamps...

mmm...

you know i had to get the full zaza experience...

and that's the last of my greatest hits. hoped you enjoyed them! now, i actually have to come up with new posts every week. i've been at a loss of blogpost ideas lately. can something crazy plz happen? i'll probably blog about my newfound hatred for georgia state soon. until then, have a thrilling thursday and a marvelous martin luther king jr. weekend.

dear asian parents,

dear asian parents,
can you plz not read my blog. k, thanks.

情爱的亚洲父母,
别读我的 blog. k, 谢谢.

dongyang boomohdeul,
jeh blogreul ilkji mahsehyo.

love, ssj.

sigh, somehow my mother has stumbled across my blog. not cool, whoever told her about it. not cool. i blame my lack of recent updates on that.

mother did not approve of this interracial mingling.

jk! love you mrs. wang!
but i do blame my lack of recent updates on my recent expansion of viewing audience. a month ago, i think my readers were generally asians, ages 20-25. presently, i feel my audience has greatly changed. white people have entered the realm of superstrongjohn (you can put blog in my list of things white people like along with ncaa football and asian girls). along with white people are a few black people and asian mothers.
with this new influx of readers, i don't know how to approach my new entries. i can't always blog about ncaa football and asian girls to keep the white people interested. and black people, i don't even have a list of things black people like. according to google, and "stuff black people like" its, cocoa butter, and being gangster. of which i have zero experience with. it's hard to be gangster, when your first and foremost goal in life is to complete all 27 poses of asianposes.com.

i don't know how i forgot to add this to my new years resolutions. but i am now.

can i plz finish the rest of the 27 poses?

lastly, asian mothers. if there is one stereotype that can never be pleased, it is asian mothers. in between being short and horrible at driving, asian mothers are constantly beating their children for their failures. the lady in the following picture is not my mother. but if she was she would be saying,

can you plz not fail at smiling?

on another note, its almost been a year since the inception of superstrongjohn. and i recently looked at my google analytics to see how people were getting to my site. nearly 70% of people get to my blog by simply typing in "superstrongjohn." another 11% stumble across my blog via facebook links. a few come across my blog from blogger. but the ones i'm interested in are the nearly 7% that find my blog using.. google search.
36% of those hits come from searching "superstrongjohn." understandable.
number 2 on the list was slightly surprising. coming in at 24% is "things that annoy girls".
other highlights include (with my comments in parenthesis):
paula abdul, lebron james bad skin (lol), george costanza pictures, wonder girls (understandable), acronyms annoy me, ajc child pornography faiz, asian basketball, do you have to pay to have a photo with the abercrombie model (really??), facebook what neurosis are you quz, going back to the motherland, gottagetbig pic, how does natalie tyler tran get paid, how you save your motherland from plastic (what.), indians in china (oh no!), my chinese family thinks i am stupid (i feel ya), small things people do annoy me, things that annoy me about boys (they didn't come back to my site), things that annoy me in tampa, unemployed cry all day (i feel ya too), what did lebron james do to irritate people? (think he's better than kobe), and last but not least.. zac efron -spoof (really??)

what else is new. i'm starting back school on monday. taking a class at georgia state for my masters. with my track record of steadily doing worse after level of school, i will probably be dropping out very soon.

once a panther, always a panther.

and that is all i got today. have a fabulous friday, and a wonderful weekend.

can i plz make new years resolutions?

it's been more than a week since i've updated and for that i apologize. i thought i'd have more free time to blog with the gym closed these few weeks. however, much like my belief that i would grow to 6' 1", i was wrong.

anyways, today is new years day. and i thought it would be a good time to make new years resolutions. resolutions that i will never think about again, let alone complete.

• can i plz make new years resolutions? DONE.

• can i plz learn to keep my mouth shut?

this is really. really. hard for me to do. the other day, at work, one of my coworkers described me as "reticent." after googling the definition, i was shocked. i've been called many things (tall, dark, handsome, etc.) never reticent. but i could see where he got that impression. you see, i am very quiet at work. this is due to the fact that when i talk, i tend to say the wrong things.

for instance, while taking a date to the holiday work party...
me: yea, i was actually surprised you said yes to going to this party. thanks so much! i really owe you one!
cameron diaz: oh no problem! i'm always willing to help out a friend!
me: well thanks again. all my other friends were losers and didn't want to go.
cameron diaz: other friends?
me: oh yea, i asked like 2093842048 people befor... can i plz keep my mouth shut.

or more recently...
ultracoolcoworker: yea, im starting a blog..
me: oh wow! that's so exciting! i have a blog! it's called.. superstrongjohn.com!!!
ultracoolcoworker: but you're not super or strong..
me: can i plz keep my mouth shut.

yes. i told my coworkers about my blog. after 4 months of keeping my private life private, i finally slipped. sigh, they tricked me so good, being all nice and friendly to me. trying to get me to open up and bam. now i can never write about them anymore. sad day.
anyways, i'll be working on being more reticent this new year.

• can i plz stop adding my coworkers on facebook?

this is just a bad idea waiting to happen. they can read my status updates and see all my pics. the status updates are the scariest thing. the other day i wrote..
"can my coworkers plz not notice that i am wearing the same thing as yesterday?"
and forgot that i had one coworker as a facebook friend. and now everyone at work knows im a dirty little chinaman.

• can i plz go to NY?

so i can visit rucker park. and all the amazing shoe stores? oh yea. and to visit my best friend GL?

:).

• can i plz be more manly?

when i look at my male coworkers, this is what i see...

manly and successful.

unfortunately, when i look in the mirror.. this is what i see...

mrs. wang would be proud.

and when i look deeper, i see...

can i plz not like this movie?

but this is going to stop in 2010. i am going to buy a tool set, watch football 24/7, drink beer, get a beer belly, and talk about women in a derogatory manner. goodbye enchanted john, hello manly john.

and those are all the resolutions i've got so far. i'm in a rush so there's prob lotsa errors in this post. don't get angry, i'll update later and correct my grammar. until next time, have a safe new years and as always, have a fabulous friday!

p.s. can i plz have an amazing body by summer 2010 too? k, thanks.

things that annoy me: when things go accordingly

as an avid reader of my own blog (hey, somebody's increase the hit count and in turn, my self-esteem), i am constantly reminded that my own life is beset by failures and stupidity. so much so that i grow fond of it. when things go right.. it just feels.. weird...

this is how my life generally works. all based on actual events.

me: hey ladies...

me: here little girl, you just add them up like this. see? its simple. now go home and get your daddy to check it for you. oh. is something wrong?


little girl: my daddy's in jail.


me: oh no! i'm soooo sorry!


little girl's bf: yo! you messin' with my girl??


little girl's bf: you little china man. you're not welcome here!


the entire country of mexico: get him!

me: why?!?!

me: this is the worst life ever.

me: eeek.

the end.

but lately, things haven't been like that. nothing crazy's happened. i have NOTHING to blog about. maybe it has to do with my being good for the past few weeks, but i just don't know what to write about. also, one thing i realized is that because i blog about all my stories, i never have anything to say to people. for instance, when i came back from tampa...

me: hey guys! wanna hear about my tampa trip?
guys: no, we read your blog. the "jesus is christmas picture" is funny. everything else sucked.
the end.

sadness. oh well. that's all i got for now. hope everyone is in the holiday spirit and having a great festivus. weeee. until next time, stay safe and have a terrific tuesday.