how to lose a job. a guide by superstrongjohn.

so apparently, i was fired on friday. i'm not sure why but it may have to do with my various transgressions at our recent work anniversary party.

apparently, taking your shirt off at work parties elicits a different response from college parties.

not really. my internship ended and i was not renewed for fulltime status. sad day.

dear all you can eat shrimp platter at work parties, you will be missed.

along with all the lovable people at work.

oh well, back to the unemployment line for me. my secondary profession of being a blogger has netted me a total of $11.51 from ad revenue. unfortunately this will not sustain my shoe buying habits. so, my birthday is coming up. if you could plz give me a job for my bday that would be great.

to make up for this free time, i've decided to add another course at state. apparently, you can add courses in the middle of the semester. who knew. so now, i'm taking statistics I and II at the same time to speed up my master's process. which is weird, bc i'm now studying chapters 2 and 8 at the same time. do you know how complicated that is?? it's like trying to train a level 90 charizard when you only have a boulder badge. impossible.

sigh, that's all i got tonight. it's been a depressing week. superstrongjohn has not felt so super lately. i'll be going to NY on thurs to visit my fave GL so i'll have a better update then. until then, stay safe and as always, stay employed.

things insert_skin_color_here people like

due to my lack of a life, i am at a loss of updates on my life. instead, i've decided to add a new series into my blog. i'm sure you've seen my list of "things that i like" and "things that annoy me" on the left hand side of my blog. well, i've decided to expand that with a "things insert_skin_color_here people like."

now, you may be thinking, you're just copying the "stuff white people like" or the "stuff asian people like". to which i say false.

things > stuff.

the end.

also, i will expound upon things that multiple races like because, as a person who hangs around 99.9% asians, who else would have the expertise to dictate to you what black/white/brown/red people like? but i digress.
back to my list.

things white people like: lists.

you see it every day. top 10 ways to lose weight, top 10 movies of 2009, 100 ways to improve your sex life (just read this in cosmo, decided tips are useless if i am practicing abstinence for life), top 10 list of lists, etc. this is a surefire way for people to go to your website. for instance, www.cracked.com, aka, the site made famous by lists. i know you white people have been here. this is a staple bookmarked website for all white males stemming from their very first surfing of the interwebs. well, do you know what this site would look like without lists?

seriously, without lists, this blog would be nonexistent. and whiteys would cry. at least they'd still have david lettermen's top 10 lists every night.

i, for one, am glad for white people's love of lists. it is due to their love of lists that i have begun my installment of lists. because it goes into my second thing white people like. and why i must now cater to whiteys.

things white people like: blogs.

whiteys love their blogs and as they may soon become the majority of readers on superstrongjohn, i must cater to my newly found audience.

since infiltrating the white world, my blog hit count has increased exponentially. if exponentially means 5 more hits/day. 1 of them being my mom. so really 4. but seriously, white people LOVE blogs. more than any other race. every famous blog has been started by a white person. perez hilton. julie and julia. that's the extent of my blog knowledge. so 2/2 = 100%. extrapolate that to the 490823582305 blogs in the world. which comes out to 490823582304 (don't forget, i'm asian) blogs run by white people. trust me. i'm a soon-to-be master of statistics.

honestly, yellow people stopped blogging as soon as xanga went the way of myspace. all the white people are like, what's xanga??? well, xanga is the asian equivalent of livejournal. where pubescent boys and girls write about being emo and hating their mothers and how life is unfair.

and black people. do black people even blog? it's on my list of things black people never do. along with swimming, tanning, and skateboarding. although, i may have to scratch skateboarding off that list ever since skinny jeans came into play as it has since become cool for blacks to start channeling tony hawk.

brownies? well, i know nothing about brownies except they study really hard to become doctors and spelling bee champions. so they probably don't have time to read blogs, let alone start one.

and that is how i have come to the conclusion that white people love blogs more than any other race.

and lastly, my last "thing" for today.

things yellow people like: not smiling during pictures.

i've briefly talked about this during my recent trip to china over the summer. but never had too much photographic evidence of it. well, my uncle and aunt recently came to visit america. and they uploaded their pictures on my computer. horrible idea. because i went through them. and this is what i found.

can

i

plz

go back to china?

haha, i love my uncle. he's the bestest. but yes, asians, as much as they love taking pictures and buying expensive SLR cameras, hate actually being in the pictures. i don't know why. maybe its because cameras are racist.

that's all i got today. hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. thanks for joining my facebook fan page. special thanks to the randos that i don't know that come read my blog! i see you on my facebook fanpage! weeee. until next time, stay safe and as always, never tell your coworkers about your personal life. it never ends well.

can i plz not like dakota fanning?

sister: did you write on my friends wall?
me: yea, why?
sister: pedophile.
me: ...

true story.

how to ruin your sister's birthday. a guide by superstrongjohn.

so this weekend was my sister's birthday. about a month ago, her friends had contacted me via facebook asking if they could throw a surprise birthday party for her in our basement. i said, sure, why not without even hesitating, thinking that i would not have to do anything. i was wrong.
the original email said that they would give wendy a set of 18 clues to lead her around the mall of georgia. during that time they would decorate our house until she came home. didn't sound too hard. until the next email came.

sister'ssuperannoyingfriend: can you plz stay with your sister while she does her scavenger hunt?
me: what.

but, being the greatamazingbrother that i am, i consented. so my plan was to take her out to lunch and then begin the scavenger hunt. what could go wrong?

well, for starters...

me: happy birthday sister!
sister: do i really have to spend the whole day with you on my birthday?!
me: :(. but i love you!

sister: plz stop talking to me.

sigh, i should have known she wouldn't want to hang out with her loving brother on her birthday. its ok, i thought. i'll take her to this amazing restaurant and she will soon reciprocate my love. except.

oh yes, i am superstrongjohn and i have the worst life ever.
so naturally, the restaurant is closed. oopsie.

weeee.

me: sister, aren't you having so much fun on our adventure?? we can go exploring for another restaurant now!

sister: can i plz die.

so we go to another restaurant. the food was delicious and we had a great time.

sister: can i plz die.

next up, we begin the scavenger hunt. which, takes us to 18 different stores in MOG. fml. i have never walked so much at the mall. ever. and. I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO VICTORIA'S SECRET WITH MY SISTER UNTIL THIS DAY. WHY WOULD HER FRIENDS MAKE ME GO IN THERE WITH HER. ARGH.

sigh, the things i do for my sister. next up we go to build-a-bear. where apprently she is supposed to build a bear. except, did you know you don't really build a bear at build-a-bear? you just stuff an already built bear. see, i thought you got to pick out the legs and eyes and nose, etc. but nooo. you just pick up a bear.

and then you give it to ms. kalin to stuff it via an opening in the anal cavity of the bear.

and out comes your "built" bear.

another thing i do not approve of at build-a-bear.

the build-a-bear panties. seriously?

while i do not condone this false advertising and extremely inappropriate attire, i would still like a bear for my birthday. it is feb. 17th. can you plz add this jersey for me? k, thanks.

now. you're probably thinking my sister had a horrific birthday and it was all my fault. well, you would be wrong. she did have a horrific birthday, but it was not all my fault! you see, her friends are the worst party decorators in the world.

here we have the balloons that they blew up just for my sister...

which special girl had to use tape to blow up a balloon?

and this. well, this was supposed to say "18"

instead it says "i fail at life."

lastly, i feel the following tweet summed up the whole day.
"can it plz not be 1am and i just now realized that i forgot to get a cake for my sister's birthday???"

and that, is how you ruin your sister's birthday.
hope everyone had a marvelous mlk day. and a wonderful weekend. until next time, stay safe and as always, let's not get too sensitive.

greatest hits, vol. 8

10.27.07: how do i know they love my less?
so my family and i have a family plan with t-mobile of 400 anytime minutes. most of my friends are t-mobile and my parents never use the phone so 400 is good enough for me. anyways we went over for the first time this last month by about 10 minutes. i decided to use that as an excuse to add text messaging to my plan saying i'd use less minutes by texting. so i called my mom telling her about the additional costs...

me: ok, so its going to be about 5 more dollars per month
mrs. wang: ok.
me: oh, and im only adding it to my line, so its not going to work for wendy (sister). we'd have to pay an additional 5 dollars for her to get texts too.
mrs. wang: oh, wendy's had text messaging for the past couple months already.
me: what.


04.20.08: this is not even fair.

so i woke up today and checked my email...

is this even fair to pot-heads?
and could they be more subtle?

06.04.08: this is what i go to school for?
so im taking summer school... one of my classes is supply chain modeling: logistics... its an interesting course taught by a not so interesting prof...

we have a test on friday so i decided to look at the sample test, bc i am somewhat confused and scared about what will be on the test... here is a problem that my professor decided was rather important followed by his solution....

3a.
Q: a car manufacturer builds cars in korea and sells them in the united states. name two modes of transportation that each car probably experiences on its way from the plant in korea to the dealer in the us.
A: sea and rail OR sea and truck

*seriously? we can't do rail and truck? is the bering strait no longer there?

3b.
Q: name one advantage of shipping by air instead of by sea.
A: faster

*wow, you think? i thought it was because there was a fear of hitting an iceberg...

3c.
Q: name one type of product that you think should be shipped by air due to the advantage given in b.
A: many answers here. one is pharmaceuticals OR highly perishable goods such as fruits and flowers (e.g., bananas).

*seriously?! is the "many answers here" really necessary? this is what i go to school for?
did i ever tell you how much i hated tech? b/c i hate it a lot. the end.

11.30.08: the infamous hotel supersex entry
so i went to dallas for an interview on sunday...

in the plane for the few minutes that i wasn't sleeping...

and i stayed at this place called, hotel zaza...

the hotel was amazing!!!

or as i like to call it, hotel super sex...

this was a picture in my room...

there were random pictures of scantily clad women everywhere... it made me slightly uncomfortable...

my mother would not approve...

other than the awkward sexness, everything else was amazing, i've never been to a hotel so fancy before. the wang family usually stays at hotel honda accord..

just look at those pillows, it would take an entire assembly line of taiwanese people to make those...

here are some more pics of my room...

i don't even know what this is supposed to be for, but it looks super riched out...

ok, i really don't know what that's for... do rich people sit up there?

rich people chairs...

i want.

just in case you forget that you're staying at hotel zaza, they have a giant z to remind you...

rich people lamps...

mmm...

you know i had to get the full zaza experience...

and that's the last of my greatest hits. hoped you enjoyed them! now, i actually have to come up with new posts every week. i've been at a loss of blogpost ideas lately. can something crazy plz happen? i'll probably blog about my newfound hatred for georgia state soon. until then, have a thrilling thursday and a marvelous martin luther king jr. weekend.

dear asian parents,

dear asian parents,
can you plz not read my blog. k, thanks.

情爱的亚洲父母,
别读我的 blog. k, 谢谢.

dongyang boomohdeul,
jeh blogreul ilkji mahsehyo.

love, ssj.

sigh, somehow my mother has stumbled across my blog. not cool, whoever told her about it. not cool. i blame my lack of recent updates on that.

mother did not approve of this interracial mingling.

jk! love you mrs. wang!
but i do blame my lack of recent updates on my recent expansion of viewing audience. a month ago, i think my readers were generally asians, ages 20-25. presently, i feel my audience has greatly changed. white people have entered the realm of superstrongjohn (you can put blog in my list of things white people like along with ncaa football and asian girls). along with white people are a few black people and asian mothers.
with this new influx of readers, i don't know how to approach my new entries. i can't always blog about ncaa football and asian girls to keep the white people interested. and black people, i don't even have a list of things black people like. according to google, and "stuff black people like" its, cocoa butter, and being gangster. of which i have zero experience with. it's hard to be gangster, when your first and foremost goal in life is to complete all 27 poses of asianposes.com.

i don't know how i forgot to add this to my new years resolutions. but i am now.

can i plz finish the rest of the 27 poses?

lastly, asian mothers. if there is one stereotype that can never be pleased, it is asian mothers. in between being short and horrible at driving, asian mothers are constantly beating their children for their failures. the lady in the following picture is not my mother. but if she was she would be saying,

can you plz not fail at smiling?

on another note, its almost been a year since the inception of superstrongjohn. and i recently looked at my google analytics to see how people were getting to my site. nearly 70% of people get to my blog by simply typing in "superstrongjohn." another 11% stumble across my blog via facebook links. a few come across my blog from blogger. but the ones i'm interested in are the nearly 7% that find my blog using.. google search.
36% of those hits come from searching "superstrongjohn." understandable.
number 2 on the list was slightly surprising. coming in at 24% is "things that annoy girls".
other highlights include (with my comments in parenthesis):
paula abdul, lebron james bad skin (lol), george costanza pictures, wonder girls (understandable), acronyms annoy me, ajc child pornography faiz, asian basketball, do you have to pay to have a photo with the abercrombie model (really??), facebook what neurosis are you quz, going back to the motherland, gottagetbig pic, how does natalie tyler tran get paid, how you save your motherland from plastic (what.), indians in china (oh no!), my chinese family thinks i am stupid (i feel ya), small things people do annoy me, things that annoy me about boys (they didn't come back to my site), things that annoy me in tampa, unemployed cry all day (i feel ya too), what did lebron james do to irritate people? (think he's better than kobe), and last but not least.. zac efron -spoof (really??)

what else is new. i'm starting back school on monday. taking a class at georgia state for my masters. with my track record of steadily doing worse after level of school, i will probably be dropping out very soon.

once a panther, always a panther.

and that is all i got today. have a fabulous friday, and a wonderful weekend.

can i plz make new years resolutions?

it's been more than a week since i've updated and for that i apologize. i thought i'd have more free time to blog with the gym closed these few weeks. however, much like my belief that i would grow to 6' 1", i was wrong.

anyways, today is new years day. and i thought it would be a good time to make new years resolutions. resolutions that i will never think about again, let alone complete.

• can i plz make new years resolutions? DONE.

• can i plz learn to keep my mouth shut?

this is really. really. hard for me to do. the other day, at work, one of my coworkers described me as "reticent." after googling the definition, i was shocked. i've been called many things (tall, dark, handsome, etc.) never reticent. but i could see where he got that impression. you see, i am very quiet at work. this is due to the fact that when i talk, i tend to say the wrong things.

for instance, while taking a date to the holiday work party...
me: yea, i was actually surprised you said yes to going to this party. thanks so much! i really owe you one!
cameron diaz: oh no problem! i'm always willing to help out a friend!
me: well thanks again. all my other friends were losers and didn't want to go.
cameron diaz: other friends?
me: oh yea, i asked like 2093842048 people befor... can i plz keep my mouth shut.

or more recently...
ultracoolcoworker: yea, im starting a blog..
me: oh wow! that's so exciting! i have a blog! it's called.. superstrongjohn.com!!!
ultracoolcoworker: but you're not super or strong..
me: can i plz keep my mouth shut.

yes. i told my coworkers about my blog. after 4 months of keeping my private life private, i finally slipped. sigh, they tricked me so good, being all nice and friendly to me. trying to get me to open up and bam. now i can never write about them anymore. sad day.
anyways, i'll be working on being more reticent this new year.

• can i plz stop adding my coworkers on facebook?

this is just a bad idea waiting to happen. they can read my status updates and see all my pics. the status updates are the scariest thing. the other day i wrote..
"can my coworkers plz not notice that i am wearing the same thing as yesterday?"
and forgot that i had one coworker as a facebook friend. and now everyone at work knows im a dirty little chinaman.

• can i plz go to NY?

so i can visit rucker park. and all the amazing shoe stores? oh yea. and to visit my best friend GL?

:).

• can i plz be more manly?

when i look at my male coworkers, this is what i see...

manly and successful.

unfortunately, when i look in the mirror.. this is what i see...

mrs. wang would be proud.

and when i look deeper, i see...

can i plz not like this movie?

but this is going to stop in 2010. i am going to buy a tool set, watch football 24/7, drink beer, get a beer belly, and talk about women in a derogatory manner. goodbye enchanted john, hello manly john.

and those are all the resolutions i've got so far. i'm in a rush so there's prob lotsa errors in this post. don't get angry, i'll update later and correct my grammar. until next time, have a safe new years and as always, have a fabulous friday!

p.s. can i plz have an amazing body by summer 2010 too? k, thanks.